LeBron James Becomes Priest; Carries Catholic Church On Back

Image: Andrew Hermiz

Just days after carrying the Cleveland Cavaliers to yet another NBA finals, LeBron James announced that he would be joining the priesthood so as to help carry the Catholic Church on his back.

James, who converted to Catholicism the morning after the big win versus the Boston Celtics, was confirmed and ordained a priest, telling those in the congregation that he felt that it was time to leave the Cavs and to “take his talents to Rome.”

“Yeah, I’m really excited about my first Mass,” James told his soon-to-be congregation moments after throwing up a cloud of incense into the air. “I know a lot of people are already talking about what my legacy will be as a priest, but I don’t focus on that. People can judge who was the better priest; me or Vianney. I’m just gonna take it one Mass at a time.”

A spokesman for the USCCB, who is paying James close to 30 million dollars a year to priest for them, told reporters that they are confident that James will bring the same intensity to the pews that he did on the court.

“I can already tell that he’s gonna be a dynamic speaker,” said one USCCB spokesman. “He hates to lose. And when he’s lost in the past, it was a game, but this is for salvation.”

Not surprisingly, James has announced that the Bible translation that he will use during the Mass will be the King James version.