Parishioner Who Makes 350K A Year Anonymously Slips $20 Bill Into Donation Envelope With A Little Wink To Heaven

According to several reports from Heaven, well-to-do parishioner Herbert Edward Kingsley III took out a crisp $20 bill from his bill fold last Sunday, before secretly placing it into the donation basket.

One saint that saw Kingsley’s Godlike humility was longtime saint Thomas Aquinas who said that all that he had seen in Heaven now seemed like straw compared to that which he had witnessed early Sunday morning on earth.

“Truly remarkable,” Thomas said. “I believe we may have found a man who does not need to shove, but rather, simply give a gentle push at a camel, that it may go through the eye of a needle. And to think, after putting in such a generous donation, he only ended up telling ten to twelve people about it after he realized that no one had noticed him slip it into the envelope.”

Another witness, St. Therese of Lisieux, told EOTT that Kingsley’s generosity was beyond anything anyone in paradise had ever seen in centuries.

“It was breathtaking,” Therese said, using the wings of a nearby angel to wipe a tear from her eye. “I spoke a lot about the little way on earth. This was the complete opposite. This was the big way. On earth, I was a mere thimble, Teresa of Avila was like my father’s water tumbler, and Mr. Kingsley has proven himself a giant vat filled to the brim with grace. I act in imitation of him, who truly is a perfect imitation of Christ. I spend my heaven doing good on earth, that I might imitate good Mr. Kingsley, who spends his earth doing good in heaven.”

Therese went on to say that is was “quite useless” for her to continue to let fall a shower of roses on earth as she once promised, for, “what is the point, when a so saintly a man as Mr. Kingsley is there.”