Prince Harry Nervous About Telling New Bride He’s Actually Sixth In Line To Having His Own Church

Image: ThomasToti

Nervously rubbing his hands on the eve of his wedding, an anxious Prince Henry “Harry” of Wales told EOTT that he was still scared about how his fiancé would take the news when she found out that her soon-to-be-husband lied to her and was actually sixth in line to having his own church, as opposed to fifth as he told her early on in their relationship.

“I’m freaking nervous as bloody hell,” Prince Harry said, stating that he always knew that he’d eventually have to break the news to her, but that the romance had been “so amazing up till this point” that he just never felt like it was the right time to break her heart. “She’s gonna be devastated. Every little girl dreams of one day having a pony or being swept off their feet by a dashing Supreme Governor of the Church of England.”

Prince Harry went on to say, “I mean, how could she not be devastated. Yes, some consider me handsome, I’m wealthy, and I am a prince, but what does that matter if I don’t have my own church? Think of all cartoons centered around a woman and a man who turns out to be the supreme head of a church. It’s not the prince part that matters. It’s the church authority part, you see? It’s the only real romantic plot point in those cartoons. It’s what dreams are made of.”

At press time, Prince Harry is looking into renting a vacant storefront next to the Walmart near Buckingham Palace to open up his own church.