Knights of Columbus Changes Name to “Knights of Indigenous Peoples”
Two months after ditching their ostrich-plume chapeaus, the Knights of Columbus continue their rebranding efforts by announcing the organization shall be henceforth known as the “Knights of Indigenous Peoples.”
“This change distances us from that conquistador Columbus,” said Eric Jenkins, Commander of Assembly #4251 and one of nearly two-dozen millennial members nationwide. “Everyone knows he was a racist.”
“We’re not caving into social pressure,” explained 4th Degree Knight Lawrence Reddy. “We’re simply kowtowing to social justice. Maybe one day they’ll shelf the trigger word ‘knight,’ too. Gives me the willies.”
In addition to continuing their traditional work of high-pressure insurance sales and slinging cheap beer at fish fry’s, the Knights of Indigenous People will now also form honor guards for half-naked tribal women presenting the gifts at papal Masses.