Papal Conclave Error: Burke Wins Papacy After Conclave Mix-Up

Image:Нұрлан Саят

In an epic mistake that drew gasps from Catholics and non-Catholics around the world yesterday, Cardinal Protodeacon Jean-Louis Tauran recently announced that he mistakenly named Jorge Mario Bergoglio as pope at the 2013 Papal Conclave, when in reality it was Cardinal Raymond Burke that won the top prize.

“I want to tell you what happened,” Tauran told press gathered at the Vatican yesterday. “I opened the envelope, and it said ‘Jorge Mario Bergoglio, La La Church.'”

“Burke,” the story of a white, Catholic, conservative man had already won best supporting cardinal for Making Things Look A Little Less Out Of Control.

“Very clearly, even in my prayers this could not be true,” Burke told those gathered in St. Peter’s Square. “But to hell with it, I’m done with it, because this is true. Oh my goodness.”

It was not immediately clear how the mistake was made, though EOTT tweeted out a photo that showed that the envelope in Tauran’s hand reading “Best Bishop Of A Diocese That Is Not The Diocese of Rome.”