Vatican Pressured To Declare Milo Yiannopoulos Confessor And White Martyr

“Don’t get me wrong, I still think gays are really gross and when they’re just regular, chaste ones faithful to the Church, I’m still quite happy to treat them as the creepy filth that they are,” said one high ranking official. “But Milo is special because he is so useful at destroying and humiliating liberals that I hate even more than gays. So I’ll make an exception in his case. Priorities you know?”

The official later went on to add that, “Yeah, I know, Theology of the Body and all that. But when Ann Coulter tells us that Trump is head of the Church and he and his greatest prophet, Steve Bannon, clearly adore Milo, you find ways to adjust your theology so that pedophilia isn’t all that big a deal. We have to think of the greater good.”