Incense Vaping: The Latest Danger At Roman Seminaries

A recent uptick in admissions to Roman hospitals has Swiss Guards concerned after seminarians in various colleges in and around the Vatican have turned to vaping powerful blends of incense.

The problem reached a crescendo on Epiphany Eve when thirteen seminarians from the North American College overdosed while vaping contraband incense at a Three Kings Party.

The incense found by authorities during a raid at the party is a powerful and pure blend that is called “Wisdom of the Past” found on the streets and back rooms in the Vatican. Lead Swiss Guard detective Giovanni Verde told EOTT that “seminarians today are not used to the real unadulterated incense of past ages.”

“The incense available in most churches today has been so repeatedly cut with fillers and inert ingredients that it barely resembles the unadulterated original. The more authorities try to introduce the ineffective stuff the more seminarians and young priests seek out the ‘Wisdom of the Past’ wherever they can find it.”

At the time of the raid, all thirteen of those rushed to the hospital insisted that they had never been better. Authorities, however, found their thinking distorted and their speech rigid.

“One exposure to ‘Wisdom of the Past’ is enough to cause problems for these young men,” Verde said. “They think many issues in the Church, today, can be solved by turning to these powerful formulations of past ages.”

At press time, the thirteen young men are being treated for “smoke inhalation” at an undisclosed Roman hospital and are considered to be in stable condition.