EWTN Officially Endorses Trump For The Papacy

Just a day before EWTN plans to air an exclusive interview with Presidential candidate Donald Trump, the company’s board of directors and CEO announced that the media outlet was officially endorsing the presidential candidate for the papacy.

The is the first time in the network’s 35-year history that company heads officially endorsed someone for the pontificate.

Known for its often daring, cutting-edge, and addictive television programming, EWTN once again shocked the world as “The World Over” host Raymond Arroyo uttered the words “and I approve this message,” before cutting away to a Bob and Penny Lord rerun.

“Trump reveals in the interview the reason he switched his position on the life issue and when he planned to switch it again,” EWTN board member Ronald Thompson told the press shortly after Arroyo’s hard-hitting interview. “He talks about religious liberty, and speaks to women’s concerns about his candidacy and how to grope women without committing a sin. He also spoke about his prayer life, whether he had a favorite saint or demon, and much more.”

“Honestly, this is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him on camera,” said Arroyo. “He kept mentioning how much the interview reminded him of one of those high school mock interviews he used to participate in for his daughter. It was a nice complement.”

Though there has not yet been an official statement from the Vatican about the endorsement, one anonymous bishop close to Francis told EOTT that the Pontiff was saddened by the news, as that he was seen tearfully packing boxes for what looked like a final “move.”

“It’s really tough to watch,” the anonymous bishop told EOTT. “EWTN is very powerful. What they say goes, and they feel that under a no nonsense Trump pontificate, Roe v. Wade will be overturned because Trump said it would happen and to believe him. Why would he say something like that if it wasn’t true?”