Church Packed As Fr. Bieber Says First Mass At Our Lady Of Perpetual Crunches

Image: AdamSundana

Fr. Justin Bieber cleansed his soul and the souls of thousands of concertgoers turned parishioners over the weekend after turning his concert into a vigil Mass.

The 20-year-old singer and newly ordained Jesuit, who is currently on probation for blessing a photographer in the face, was pictured presiding over Mass Saturday evening in San Diego, where he asked those in the crowd how their day was going, before welcoming them, saying, “The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with all of you.”

Fr. Bieber went on to ad lib most of the Mass, using a blend of the rubrics of the Mass and the rubrics of teen love struggles. At one point after the first reading, Fr. Bieber sang, “How many ‘I told yous’ and start overs and shoulders have I cried on before? How many promises, be honest Jesus, how many tears I let hit the floor? How many bags I’ve packed, just to have you take me back? Tell me how many either ors, but no more if you let me inside your kingdom, there’ll be one less lonely sinner.”

 Then, after an emotional second reading, Fr. Bieber led the choir in singing his new liturgical song, Baby (Jesus). “You know you love me, I know you care. Just call whenever, and I’ll be there to pray. You are my love, you are my heart. And we would never ever, ever be apart. Jesus, quit playing. I’ve gotta repent, what are you saying? And I was like…Baby, baby, baby Je-sus. Like baby, baby, baby Je-sus. Like baby, baby, baby Je-sus. I thought you’d always be my…my savior.”

The “badboy of the clergy” was dressed in white vestments for the Mass, with the sleeves cut off to the shoulders. During his homily Fr. Bieber spoke of a true, authentic relationship with Jesus that relied not on material goods, but filled with love and confidence in the Lord, and walking with “swag” in his footsteps.

“Swag swag swag, on you,” Fr. Bieber sang from the pulpit. “Chillin’ by the fires of Gahanna while we eatin’ fondue. I dunno about you, but I know about me. I ain’t getting near the forbidden fruit, so say hello to falsetto in three, two, swag. I’d like to be everything you want. Hey Jesus, let me talk to you. If I was your disciple, I’d never Judas you. Keep you in my heart Jesus, you’d never be alone in the tabernacle. I can be a saint, anything you want. If I was your disciple, I’d never let you go.”