“Well, I’ll Definitely Keep You In My Prayers,” Says Man Who Will Inevitably Forget to Keep You In His Prayers

Not long after describing the various trials were going through to an acquaintance, sources are reporting that his promise to keep you in his prayers are completely worthless.

Sources on the scene say that the man in question, Thomas Keating, will not only not pray for you, but really wasn’t even paying that much attention to you as you were speaking to begin with, and therefore, wouldn’t even know what to pray for if he did remember, which of course, he won’t, because he never does.

“At best, Keating will remember you mentioning that you were going through something, and will halfheartedly say ‘Jesus help him,’ to ease his guilt for not praying for you, and that will be that,” the source told EOTT. “Yeah, don’t get your hopes up. He says the same thing to everyone. Our studies have shown that Mr. Keating only actually remembers to pray for 16% of the people that he has promised to pray for, much lower than the national Catholic average of 24%.”

At press time, thank you for reading this post, and please be assured of my prayers.