Unbelievably Wealthy Parishioner Has Some Great Fundraising Ideas

  Tampa Bay, FL–Edward Goodman, parishioner and parish council member at Our Lady of Grace in Tampa Bay, has some great ideas for fundraising, he is reporting. The parish is in need of a new air-conditioning system as well as a roof repair, according to the Pastor, Fr. Greg Nussbaum, whose total lifetime income will be a fraction of what Goodman makes in a year. “I think we should definitely start the process by sending out a flyer to... Read More

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI Asks To Be Reinstated As Pope

According to reports yesterday, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI is seeking the chair of his pontificate years after his resignation. The news has sent shock waves around the world. Vatican spokesman Fr. Vitateli Devitiamani told EOTT that, “He came for a dinner as scheduled and then proceeded to return to his old living quarters. That wouldn’t be a problem, since His Holiness Pope Francis chose to live elsewhere and so the room is open. However, once... Read More

Friend’s Excuses For Not Making It To Mass Getting Pretty Elaborate

Pittsburgh, PA–– After having skipped Mass for 11 out of the past 13 Sundays, local Catholic Michael Fremont’s excuses for why he has skipped Mass have become more and more elaborate, sources are confirming. Fremont, who reportedly says he would go to Mass every day if time and circumstances permitted, has now begun to offer concerned Catholic friends extravagant stories filled with intricate details about why he had to miss Mass. “Michael used... Read More

Cardinal Burke Demoted To Chaplain Of Akron RubberDucks Minor League Baseball Team

Akron, OH–Pope Francis has reportedly planned to remove Cardinal Raymond Burke from head of the Apostolic Signatura, demoting him to the largely ceremonial role as Head Chaplain for the Akron RubberDucks minor league baseball team. Although his removal from the Roman Curia (the body of Vatican-based Cardinals who are close advisers to the Pope,) appears to be a slight to many conservative Catholics, some Akron-based Catholic  RubberDucks fans believe... Read More

Planned Oklahoma City Black Mass Stirring Controversy With Schismatic Satanist Group

Oklahoma City, OK–The black mass scheduled for September 21 in Oklahoma City is stirring lots of controversy with traditional minded Satanist, The Oklahoma City Satanist Weekly is reporting. The open invitation “black mass” scheduled to be held at the Civic Center Music Hall is sold-out, but one schismatic Satanic group is calling the upcoming black mass a “sacrilege” against the Prince of Darkness. Anthony Williams, the leader of the schismatic... Read More

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