Pope Francis Spends First Day In Korea Wondering Whether He’s In The Good Or Bad Korea

Seoul, Good Korea–The pope read a 10-minute speech in English at the Presidential office in Seoul, noting that the name “South Korea” was not distinct enough from “the other one” so as to help westerners remember which of the two is the bad one. Although he did not directly mention North Korea, the references were clear, with his speech following an address by South Korean President Park Geun-hye, who dedicated most of her message slamming the bad Korea.

“Catholics in bad Korea had been stripped of their assets, religious leaders kidnapped and murdered,” she said at the welcome ceremonial speech. “We here in the good Korea are trying best to follow the road of peace, instead of war and nuclear weapons,” she stressed. “That is why we are known as the good ones.”

Pope Francis followed her remarks by adding, “Yes, that would be good. Nuclear weapons are bad. But think about it… what if you just changed your name? It would really help us out. The whole flight here I was thinking that we were going to the bad Korea, and I was going to have to meet that guy with the odd face and weird haircut. What’s his name? Ah, yes…Dennis Rodman.”

“Another thing,” Francis continued. “It’s like, when I was watching LOST, I really liked Jin and Sun, but I did not know which of the Koreas they were from, so I did not know whether to trust them. Later on I realized that even if they were from the bad one, they could still be good, right? But I digress…it just would have been easier if they were from somewhere other than Korea. Any Asian country would have worked, actually. Last thing, maybe if you change your name, the LOST people could possibly remake the entire show with the new name and people who watch the show in the future will not have to try to figure out whether Jin and Sun are from the good or bad Korea and just focus their energy on what the smoke monster is and other things like that.”

At press time, Pope Francis has learned that the creator of Gangnam Style is from the “good Korea,” thereby making both Koreas “the bad one”.