Diocese Of Gaylord, Michigan To Change Its Name To Peoplewhostrugglewithsamesexattractionlord, Michigan

Peoplewhostrugglewithsamesexattractionlord, MI—Parishioners in the Diocese of Gaylord, Michigan are being asked by their new Bishop, Steven Raica, to begin referring to themselves as Peoplewhostrugglewithsamesexattractionlordians.

The news came just days after Raica was installed Bishop of the flamboyant Roman Diocese. Raica told parishioners during his first homily as Bishop that, basing his decision on Sacred Scripture, that all Catholics residing in Gaylord, should not act upon their citizenship and to henceforth avoid the term Gaylord.

“I don’t care whether you believe that you were born in Gaylord, or whether you simply woke up one day to find yourself living here. We are more than mere citizens of this city…we are children of God, who calls us to fulfill His will and to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s cross the difficulties we may encounter from being from this region of the country.”

Raica went on to say that, although acting upon their citizenship by means of voting or running for office in the city is contrary to natural law and therefore cannot be approved, he assured Catholics living in the diocese that they can still serve a purpose.

In the end, Raica said that being from Gaylord ultimately does not satisfy the desires of the heart. “I’ve heard from many family member of those living here, asking if I could help their loved ones move back home. But this is not a simple fix. As the saying goes, ‘you can take the man out of Gaylord, but you can’t take the Gaylord out of the man.”

At press time, former Major League Baseball player Thosewithhomosexualtendencies Perry has come out in favor of the proposed name change.