Pope Francis Sneaks Out Of Vatican At Night In Disguise To Help Poor, Fight Crime

VATICAN–A recent interview with the Papal Alomner Archbishop Konrad Krajewski this week confirmed recent speculations that Pope Francis joins him on his nightly trips into Rome to give alms to the poor. An inside source at the Vatican told EOTT that “Swiss guards confirmed that the pope has ventured out at night dressed as Batman to meet with homeless men and women, and to fight crime.”  “The first time I told him I was going out into the city in the evening, there was the risk that he would want to come with me,” Krajewski said in an interview this morning. “And when I did tell him, he merely smiled and ran away to get ready.” Krajewski went on to say that just moments after his discussion with Francis, that he witnessed the Holy Father’s Pope Mobile, “painted all black,” racing out of St. Peter’s Square with flames coming out of the back end. “Honestly, though, I don’t think the flames were coming out because of how fast the car was, but because it’s a 1984 Renault. The thing’s about to explode.” The “hands-on project” which involves face-to-face meetings with the homeless and the poor, as well as the fist-to-face meetings with adversaries, is managed by the church’s charity in an effort to directly impact the lives of the people of Rome. The new Papal Butler Roberto Bartone told EOTT in an interview via Skype earlier today that he did not like Francis leaving the Vatican, and wished he would retire like Benedict. “It’s far too dangerous,” he said. “Just last week I got very angry at him because of the risks he was taking. I said to him ‘Remember when you left Argentina and were elected? Well every month since you were elected, I’ve been taking a weekend holiday…I go to Florence. There’s this café on the banks of the Arno. Every fine evening I sit there and order a Fernet Branca. I have this fantasy that I’ll look across the tables and I’d see you there, with a friend, maybe a couple of statues. You wouldn’t say anything to me, nor me to you, but we’d both know…that you’d made it… that you were happy.’”