Nun Trampled Near Scapular Section During “O’Brien’s Church Supplies” Black Friday Sale

Biloxi, MS––An O’Brien’s Church Supplies shopper was injured earlier today after an out of control mob of frenzied shoppers smashed through the Biloxi store’s front doors and trampled her, police said. The Black Friday stampede plunged the religious good store into chaos as hundreds of people desperately tried to get their hands on the newly-released Sixfold Scapular, knocking several employees to the ground and sending others scurrying atop statues to avoid the horde. When the chaos finally ended, 57-year-old Sister Angelica Bettington was injured with a cracked rip and a lacerated spleen. “She fell over as she tried to get a scapular and then was trampled,” said O’Brien’s Church Supplies worker Tim Williams. “I haven’t seen anything this bad since ’98 when the new Credit Card Rosary hit the shelves.” 34-year-old Bill Radley, who was looking for a “cheap-looking” cross made of wood from Bethlehem, said that he was temporarily knocked unconscious in the stampede. “When I awoke, I noticed that my cross was broken in half. I still got it because it’s made of some sort of olive wood from Bethlehem. That’s where Jesus was born, so it must be really powerful. Well worth it.” Bettington says that even though all but two of the scapular folds were torn apart in the melee, that she was just happy they were the brown and green folds. “Those are the best two anyway, right?”