Local Doctor Tells Patient to Stop Being “Obsessed” with his Cancer

Minneapolis, MN––Dr. Simon Townsend, in an interview with United States Magazine, sent a clear message to his patient, Mr. Christopher Watts, who is suffering from stage-four terminal cancer. “Mr. Watts needs to stop letting himself get locked up in small things like the ever-growing tumors in his lungs that daily threaten his life.” Citing a need for his patient to widen his scope and not look myopically at one particular issue, the doctor warned Watts to “see the big picture” lest his overall health “fall like a house of cards.” Dr. Townsend continued, remarking that, “[Mr. Watts] is constantly harping about his cancer, his treatment, his chemotherapy, how long he has to live, blah blah blah. He doesn’t even seem to realize that he’s gotten really skinny and lost practically all his hair. I think he’s stressing himself out too much and needs to relax.” At press time, Mr. Watts was weakly leaning forward in his hospital bed to see if he could take a sip of water out of a straw and keep it down.