Vatican Picks Up Free Agent Tim Tebow

VATICAN––Last year, after being released by his second NFL team, Tim Tebow sat unclaimed on the unrestricted free-agent market. Then in June Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots took a chance at the former Heisman winner from Florida. But recently, after what has been described by many as an unproductive pre-season, Tebow was released from New England, becoming a free-agent yet again. Then enter the Vatican. One Vatican insider Monsignor Ronaldo Angelo told EOTT Saturday afternoon that he decided on picking up Tebow after reading reports on his [Tebow’s] faith and his ability as a footballer in college. “Yes, yes, I understand that we do not have a football league, but we hope that this move can generate the excitement needed to convince the Holy Father to create the Vatican Football League (VFL), and to help bring in fans.” How Tebow will fit in with Angelo’s planned 4-4-2 offense is still a question, but Angelo believes that with Tebow’s faith and prayer life, nothing is impossible, going on to say that “With God, nothing is impossibile.” “Regardless, it has only cost us 150 euros. We were originally looking at picking him up for 100 euros, but Lakewood Church in Houston was offering 125.” But after being asked by a reporter why the Vatican would even consider picking up a Protestant for their Vatican league, Angelo reportedly used an expletive. At press time, Angelo has also come to learn that “footballer” in the U.S. means something different than “footballer” everywhere else in the world.