Francis Much Better Pope Than That Other Guy We Had, Area Nominal Catholic Reports

Des Moines, IA––Telling his son that “This new pope guy is much better than that other one,” earlier this afternoon, area Catholic Bernard Ripley stressed to his son the immense difference he saw in regards to the papacy of “this Francis guy,” as opposed to “the other guy that was pope before retiring.” “That other pope, whats-his-face, was too stuck in the past,” said Ripley, who reportedly has not attended Mass since his son was born 20 years ago. “He hardly ever talked, and when he did, he was always wanting to take us back to the middle evil ages or something.” Ripley went on to report to his son that if the Church did not want to become a thing of the past, they would have to get with the times. “I guess that’s the thing. This guy Francis has really got it down. The Church is real scared of his teachings. You know he’s gonna ordain women and let men priests have sex? Yeah, he’s changing things, this guy.”