Woman Cannot Seriously Still Be In Confessional

Long Island, NY–While patiently waiting in line for confessions earlier this afternoon, parishioners of St. Jude parish in Long Island, New York were questioning whether or not someone had actually entered the confessional at all. After waiting some fifteen minutes, a frustrated parishioner, Betty Swaim, told EOTT that she could have sworn that she heard laughter coming from the confessional. “Oh, yeah, go ahead…laugh it up…it’s not like anyone else here needs to confess.” Another parishioner, Scott Chaney, confirmed that a woman did indeed enter, as he simultaneously questioned himself as to whether the mysterious woman may have actually already exited the confessional without anyone paying attention. “No, I did…didn’t I see her enter? Yeah, I did see her enter. Like 20 minutes ago.” 45-year-old Jane Browning, who was third in line when confessions began, and nearing the end of a rosary she never thought she would actually get through, told EOTT that she was baffled as to how someone could take so long. “Look, I’m not trying to say anything…I mean, good for her, you know? But if she’s seriously just in there laughing and having a good ol’ time while we stand out here like idiots, I swear I’ll bust open that door and drag her out.” At press time, Chaney was awkwardy approaching the confessional door just to be sure.