Pope Francis Declares Homosexuality Obligatory For All Catholics, New York Times Reports

New York, NY––During an interview given while walking from his airplane arriving from Brazil to the 1983 Ford Escort awaiting to take him to the Vatican, His Holiness Pope Francis declared the new ex-cathedra Catholic dogma that all members of the Catholic Church must become homosexual, the New York Times reported. This declaration is said by the New York Times to have sent shock waves through the Catholic world, and delighted the enormously powerful “Gay Lobby,” said by the Times to control the interior workings of the Holy See. “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge, and would it not be judgmental for me to not require all Catholics to walk in his footsteps?” the Holy Father reportedly told the New York Times. This comes in stark contrast to the words of Pope Benedict XVI, who, according to the New York Times, said that “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, it is the duty of every Catholic to judge him.”