Man Sits Through Entire St. Therese Film; Second John XXIII Miracle Now Confirmed

Murrieta, CA––Just weeks after Pope Francis waived the second miracle requirement for the canonization of Pope John XXIII, the Congregation for the Causes of Saints have announced that they have found and approved a miracle attributed to the late pontiff. What the Vatican is calling an “inexplicable surge of supernatural endurance” by a Murrieta man who was able to sit through a viewing of the 2005 film St. Thérèse in one sitting has been assessed as a miracle. The unknown Murrieta man prayed to John XXIII halfway through the film and was reportedly given an unexplainable amount of endurance, as well as an unprecedented amount strength to endure what scientists believe must have been “a couple hours of pure, unadulterated misery.” The claim was first taken to scientists and they were not able to explain how someone was able to sit through the film without going absolutely nuts,” Bishop Rodrigo Spola of the Congregation for the Causes of Saints told reporters. “We therefore had no other explanation other than the miraculous intercession of John XXIII. We’ve seen some very strange cases in the last few decades, but this one, how you say, takes the cake.”