“I Told Him Left…Make A Freaking Left,” Pope Vents To Youth

Rio de Janeiro––Just a day after his driver made a wrong turn down a busy street in Rio de Janeiro, a visibly irritated Pope Francis vented to close to a million youth gathered for World Youth Day. “If I told him once, I told him twenty times, ‘drive…away…from…the…mob…of…people,'” the Pope said to those who had gathered with the anticipation of hearing the Pontiff discuss the role of young people in the Church. Francis went on to explain his frustration, telling the crowd that he was sorry for continuing to bring up the subject, but that he felt that the entire trip would be ruined if he didn’t “get it off his chest.” One pilgrim visiting from Atlanta told Eye of the Tiber that Francis sounded “super t’d off.” “He kept taking a big breath then a pause before continuing his sermon about the Suffering Servant. But just as he’d get going he’d stop and say something like, ‘I’m sorry, just one more thing, seriously. That was dangerous, right? You guys saw the video.'” At press time, Pope Francis has asked those in the crowd that drive to raise their hands, and then to keep it up if given the same two choices his driver was given, would have taken the road that leads to a mob of a thousand insanely frantic Brazilian youth.