Area Man Can Finally Hold Head High After “Liking” Jesus On Facebook

Madison, WI––While watching the NBA playoffs and ferociously pounding down an entire six-pack in lieu of Mass this afternoon, 32-year-old off-again, off-again parishioner of St. Perpetua Catholic Church in Madison, Wisconsin Thomas McCain “liked” a page of Jesus, thereby confirming to his wife and kids that he did indeed love Jesus. The post, sent by a friend of Dowels with whom he had not had verbal or physical contact with for over fifteen years, had asked friends to click “Like” if they loved Jesus, and to also repost. “Ha! My wife nagged the living hell out of me again this morning about me not going to church. But look at me now!” Dowel reported as he picked bits and pieces of chicken wings off his shirt and promptly placing them back into his sauce-glazed mouth. “I’ll admit, for a while there I did really feel like he [Thomas] didn’t care about his soul,” McCain’s wife told Eye of the Tiber. “But look at him now…stumbling around, slurring with love for Jesus. It almost sounds like he’s speaking a different language or something. Kinda like after Pentecost when everyone thought the Apostles were drunk cause they were talking in different tongues, but really they were just on fire for Jesus. I don’t know…I guess I stand corrected. Sheesh…I guess he’s gonna have this one to hold over on me for a while.” At press time, McCain, with chin up and head held high, was in the process of sloppily kissing an image of St. Christopher as he drunkenly stumbled over to the kitchen for another Dos Equis.