Protestant Friend Knows All He Needs To Know About Catholic Church

Orange County, CA–Area Protestant Ezekial Atkinson reported earlier this morning that he didn’t need a lecture on Church teaching because he “already knows everything he needs to know about the Catholic Church.” The stunning revelation came just moments after longtime Catholic friend Gerald Prescott asked Atkinson whether he ever considered that he [Atkinson] might not actually hate the Church as much as he thinks, but rather, in the words of Fulton Sheen, “hate what he wrongly considers to be the Church.” Atkinson, a youth pastor at East Bay United Pentecostal, told Prescott that he grew up a Catholic, and even used to be an altar boy. “I went to Catholic school, Gerald…I know what the Church teaches,” Atkinson reportedly said. “If you guys ever picked up a Bible you’d know what it means when Paul says, ‘And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.’ So don’t talk to me about going to confession with a priest. I’ve been sealed with the blood of the Lamb, so nothing can separate me from the love of God. And don’t even get me started on Mary.” At press time, Atkinson is grasping at a reluctant Prescott’s hands that the Holy Spirit may come and descend upon him.