New American Idol Format For Papal Elections Under Way

VATICAN CITY––With just one day left before voting begins to elect a new pope, Vatican officials are scrambling to put in place the final touches of the new American Idol inspired knock-out stage of the election process. Details about the revolutionary format, called Vatican Idol, was announced to the press late Sunday evening after days of closed door meetings between Cardinals and American Idol representatives. “We’re very excited about coming together with the Catholic Church,” said former American Idol judge Simon Cowell. “We’re already in the pontifical audition stages as we speak.” Cowell went on to show an exclusive clip from one of the election auditions in which Cardinal Roger Mahony is seen begging for another opportunity to show what he’s got, just moments after being mercilessly ridiculed and kicked out of the election by Cowell for what he called a “simply pathetic Mass audition.” “You just single-handedly butchered that Mass…I truly hope you understand that,” Cowell says before Mahony is seen angrily and tearfully walking out of the doors of the Sistine Chapel, and into the consoling arms of friends and loved ones. “They don’t know what they’re missing. Ama be a Pope one of these days and they’re gonna regret lettin’ me go! Simon…you wouldn’t know a liturgy if it smacked you upside the head!” The knock-out stage of the conclave begins Tuesday with homily performances in front of a live audience in St. Peter’s Square followed by fan voting.