Vatican Insiders Reveal Benedict Resigned Because Roman Curia “Too Fabulous”

Sources close to Pope Benedict revealed today that the ultimate reason for his resignation was not his old age, but in fact an inability to keep up with the “fabulousness” of the Roman Curia.

“The Holy Father is a simple man,” our sources said, “and can’t keep up with the non-stop furniture re-arrangements, the hair stylings, or the near-hourly musical numbers he found himself surrounded by in the Vatican.”

The source revealed that, in mid-conversation, members of the Roman Curia often break out into song and dance routines “in order to better express their feelings.”

“It was apparent that it was because of this exuberant, flamboyant lifestyle that the Holy Father felt he could no longer keep up,” the source said as he pet the tiny dog he was carrying in a stroller.

“I mean, just look at the way he dresses. There’s no way he could do mid-air splits in that old cassock. And white is so 2010. I mean, he did pull out the pink chasuble once or twice a year, but that’s not exactly up to speed on the amount of flair expected these days in the Vatican.”