Self-Proclaimed Thomist Admits He Knows Nothing Of Thomas

Spokane, WA––It was reported this week that Gonzaga University grad and self-proclaimed Thomist Stephen Hillers knows virtually nothing about the works of St. Thomas Aquinas. Hillers, well known for beginning his sentences with the words, “Well, according to Thomas…” came clean to friends late Tuesday night when he revealed that he did, in fact, know nothing about the Summa Theologica, and that he had never even heard of the Summa Contra Gentiles until that very night. “We always knew he was full of it,” a friend of Hillers said. “But on Tuesday, when Steve said that according to Thomas, the biggest human temptation was to settle for too little…that was too much. I called him out on it.” Hillers has since apologized to his friends, saying that he never meant to mislead anyone. “Really, I didn’t. I never meant Thomas Aquinas. I meant ‘Thomist’ as in a student of Thomas Merton. Ever heard of him?” Hillers says he intends to begin reading Seven Story Mountain this Fall.