[Mayan Apocalypse Update] Head Of CDF Tells Liberal Catholics To Hide Until Notified To Come Out

VATICAN––In anticipation of today’s apocalypse, the head of the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith, Archbishop Gerhard Ludwig Müller, asked liberal Catholic groups around the world to hide until notified that the cataclysmic event had ended. “Please hide underground, or just go away…far, far away,” Müller said, through a gasmask in a press conference this morning. “This is real. It’s going to happen. Don’t worry about me…I will brave the radioactivity and all that other scary stuff you see in movies, and I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out. I don’t know how long it’s going to last, but it will probably be for a very, very, very long time.” It is not known yet how many liberal Catholics have gone into, or are still in the process of hiding, but reports show that it is not as many as Müller had hoped. “Well, It was a good try, right?”