People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Questions Arise After Mother Neglects To Remove Hysterical Child From Mass
Eugene, OR––In the immediate aftermath of the Mass in which parishioner Heather Thomas neglected to remove her crying child to the cry-room during the homily, family of the 26-year-old mother were quick to blame the non-removal of the... Read More
Maestro Who Conducts Symphony With Back Facing Audience Labelled Radical Traditionalist
After conducting his first symphony since being named Maestro of the New Mexico Philharmonic, Chinese-born Li Wei Chen has been under heavy scrutiny from longtime patrons for conducting Beethoven’s famous 9th Symphony while facing... Read More
Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents
DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More
Quick-Thinking Parishioners Rush Altar To Assist Lone Priest
Culver City, CA––Parishioners of St. Raymond Catholic Church in Culver City, California were forced to jump into action during Mass early Monday morning when it appeared that only one priest would be available for the consecration. According... Read More
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Libs & Trads
NASA Discovers Earth-like Planet That Could Support Maryknoll Fathers
NASA astronomers today revealed that they have discovered an Earth-like planet close to 600 light years away that might be able to sustain the Maryknoll Fathers... Read More
Pope Francis Confirms Cats Still Going To Hell
Pope Francis continues to show he’s not your average pope. During a public appearance this afternoon, Francis attempted to comfort a girl whose cat had died,... Read More
Müller To Build Vatican II Theme Park
VATICAN–Speaking to the press Wednesday afternoon, Prefect of the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith Archbishop Gerhard Ludwig Müller announced plans... Read More
Dumbstruck Congregation Listens In Awe As “Judgmental” Pastor Delivers Sound Homily
Encinitas, CA–Listening in shock and horror as a visiting priest delivered what many believed to be a judgmental homily earlier this morning, many parishioners... Read More
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Politics
Bombing Of St. Augustine High School Traced To Manicheans
Nashville, TN–Police officials reported that their investigation... Read More
[Breaking] Biden Steps Down As VP Hours After Becoming Pro-Life
Former Vice President Joe Biden attending Pope Francis’ Installation... Read More
Peace Breaks Out In Israel Moments After Magic Olive Tree Planted
VATICAN–Just moments after Israeli President Shimon Peres and his... Read More
New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles
A new ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California... Read More
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Vatican
Pope Francis Signals Possible Openness To Just About Anything At This Point
Pope Francis has said that he is open to the possibility of permitting basically... Read More
Jesus May Have Been Born Years After Pope Thinks, Claims Incoming Anglican Archbishop
CANTERBURY––The “mistake” was made by 21st century Pope and scholar... Read More
Francis Retires From Game Of Papacy After Twenty Illustrious Liturgical Seasons
Image: Andrew Hermiz Pope Francis, the man who helped the Church win hundreds of... Read More
Prisoners Break Free From Lunch With Pope To Return To Prison
Image_Michael Coghlan Two prisoners in Bologna, Italy escaped during their... Read More