People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Area Catholic Preparing To Be Notified About Dirt On Forehead All Day Long

Watertown, MN––While receiving ashes on his forehead at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Watertown, Minnesota early this morning, area Catholic Trevor Davis fervently prayed for patience to endure what he expected to be a “long day... Read More

Area Catholic Confirms Too Many Obligations To Make It To Mass On Holy Day Of Obligation

Rancho San Diego, CA––29-year-old Catholic Tony Rigali confirmed to his family earlier today that due to all the “things on his plate,” he would be, unfortunately, having to skip Holy Day of Obligation Mass today in honor of... Read More

There Was Certainly A Point During My Clown Mass When I Thought, “What The Hell Am I Doing?”

Pastor of St. Genesius Catholic Church Fr. Edmond Harrington confirmed this afternoon that at one point during his first ever Clown Mass, he looked down at his oversized checkered shoes as he was praying and thought to himself, “Edmond,... Read More

Church Packed As Fr. Bieber Says First Mass At Our Lady Of Perpetual Crunches

Image: AdamSundana Fr. Justin Bieber cleansed his soul and the souls of thousands of concertgoers turned parishioners over the weekend after turning his concert into a vigil Mass. The 20-year-old singer and newly ordained Jesuit, who is currently... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Nation’s Catholics Demand Better Catechesis To Better Understand What Teachings To Ignore

Washington, DC––Thousands of the nation’s ill-catechized Catholics protested outside the USCCB headquarters in Washington, DC last night, demanding better... Read More

Cardinal Kasper Says Bible Spreads ‘Confusion’ And ‘Division’

Just days after Cardinal Müller published a “Manifesto of Faith,” which reiterated fundamental Catholic teachings in response to what he sees as growing... Read More

Middle-Aged White Woman Gyrating Near Altar Just Like They Do In Kenya

Image: auntjojo 52-year-old liturgical dancing sensation Grace Weaver confirmed this morning that she planned on gyrating like all hell during Mass “just like... Read More

Report: Mahony’s Pretty Much Got This Pope Thing In The Bag

“The only question that remains is what name he shall take.” VATICAN CITY–The Italian Newspaper La Rupubblica is reporting today that a member... Read More

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Politics

Vatican Pressured To Declare Milo Yiannopoulos Confessor And White Martyr

Image:Official Leweb Photos Several high ranking officials of... Read More

President Obama Meets Pope Francis; Explains The Benefits Of Using Teleprompter

VATICAN–The focus of the conversation when President Barack Obama... Read More

Chicago Diocese Votes To Leave USCCB; Cupich Steps Down

Image: Goat_Girl Blase Cupich has resigned as Bishop of the Archdiocese... Read More

Pelosi On Virgin Sacrifices During Satanic Masses: “This Is Sacred Ground To Me As Well”

Washington, DC––Members of the pro-life movement have denounced... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Francis Announces He Not Planning To Ever Retire, Die

Pope Francis announced Sunday that he has no plans to retire from his position as... Read More

“Well, That Was A Complete Bust,” Francis Tells Crowd Moments Before Cancelling Remainder Of Year Of Mercy

Image: Wikicommons During his general audience this week in Saint Peter’s Square,... Read More

Pope Sees Own Shadow; Predicts Six More Decades Of Francis Papacy

  The world’s most famous pope foresees no early end to his papacy. The Pope’s... Read More

Pope Francis Confirms Doctrine Of The Resurrection Will Last “Forever”

Paul Haring/Catholic News Service. The Church’s belief that Jesus rose from... Read More

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