People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Pope Francis To Defrock 300 Priests For Failing To Say ‘Good Morning’ At The Beginning Of Mass
VATICAN––Shortly after it was revealed that his predecessor, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, defrocked 400 priests for sexual abuse of minors, Pope Francis decreed the immediate removal of priestly faculties for 300 priests from Europe and... Read More
Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler
West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I... Read More
Catholic Cyborgs Being Developed To Help Fill Churches
The Congregation for the Development of Mechanical Persons (CDMP) announced today that they have successfully developed their first batch of cyborg parishioners to help fill pews. The exciting news comes as the Church struggles with a world-wide... Read More
Tostitos Fiesta Pentecost Mass One Of Many New Church Sponsorships
Alameda, CA–Following a string of church closures around the country, St. Stephen Parish in Alameda, California has announced plans to have their upcoming Pentecost Mass sponsored by Tostitos. The move comes just months after Los Angeles... Read More
View All Articles in this Category...
Libs & Trads
Report: All That Really Matters Is Having A Good Heart
Portland, OR–A new study released today by millions of Catholics and non-Catholics from across the globe shows that having a good heart is more pleasing to... Read More
Cardinal Nichols Asks Priests To Face Him During Mass
In response to Cardinal Sarah’s remarks on celebrating the liturgy ad orientem, Archbishop of Westminster Cardinal Vincent Nichols wrote to his priests yesterday... Read More
Forward-Thinking Traditionalist To Allow Wife To Wear Pants
Traditionalist husband Arthur Nash issued his wife of eighteen years, Carla Nash, permission to wear pants “in a manner that is conducive to comfort,... Read More
Report: Mahony’s Pretty Much Got This Pope Thing In The Bag
“The only question that remains is what name he shall take.” VATICAN CITY–The Italian Newspaper La Rupubblica is reporting today that a member... Read More
View All Articles in this Category...
Politics
Pope Hosts Interfaith Peace Gathering Between Vatican And Priestly Fraternity Of St. Peter In Assisi
Image: RyansWorld In what Pope Francis called “the first ever interfaith... Read More
Fox News Petitions Holy See For New Republican Rite
Photo: AndrewHermez Fox News Channel has petitioned the Holy See for approval... Read More
Fr. Frank Pavone Accidentally Named Supreme Court Nominee After Obama Inadvertently Picks Up Wrong File From Desk
Image: Wiki Commons Catholic priest and pro-life activist Fr. Frank Pavone... Read More
Local Priest Approves Transgender Confessionals
Pastor of St. Vitus Catholic Church Father David Hitchens said Wednesday... Read More
View All Articles in this Category...
Vatican
Archbishop Gerhard Müller To LCWR Nuns: “Shhh!”
VATICAN––Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith Archbishop... Read More
Cardinal Kasper Adds Three Sacraments
Vatican City––Citing the need for the Church to “update herself with modern... Read More
Swiss Guard Wondering Where The Hell All The Action Is
Image:gnuckx New member of the Swiss Guard Leon Habsburg has reportedly made... Read More
Local Doctor Tells Patient to Stop Being “Obsessed” with his Cancer
Minneapolis, MN––Dr. Simon Townsend, in an interview with United States Magazine,... Read More